In your face I read the words: Fuck you and the whole world. That scared me a bit and made me feel respect for you. Man you had such nice black long hair when you were fifteen. I used to take pictures of you and you took pictures of me too. You were not good as a kid. You were not good enough in your teens either. That’s what assholes told you in school. Am I beautiful? You would murmur in silence. I never saw such a gentle smile in my life. I wished I had such a slim yet strong body like yours. But you couldn’t believe it yourself. And when that bitch came to your life, she told you you were gorgeous, because you were. But you thought she just liked you a lot and was sort of blind. Her greediness for you grew more and more. She wanted you and she wanted more. Everybody knew. I got tired of gossip and one day I asked her to leave you alone. You want me to kick your ass don’t you? No darling, I wanna kick yours I said, without really noticing what the fuck I was saying. Nothing happened because you came out of the house and I slipped away. (I’m on the peaceful side if you know what I mean.) Not a word about it. Not your style. Since I was a small girl I always worried for you, for your well-being. I always wanted you to be safe. It was my way to say: I love you. It was my clumsy way to say: You are beautiful. You were my baby brother, understand?
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